Secrets
by UnabashedShipper
Summary: "Secrets are like time bombs, eventually they explode" Post-Limey(ish). Disclaimer: Just another fangirl trying to survive the hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

He's been acting strange lately. Has not been quite himself and she doesn't know why. Eyes that used to look at her with love and adoration are now filled with something akin to contempt and another unrecognizable emotion. He hasn't brought their usual morning coffee in a while but instead he brings _her – _the flight attendant. The one who is the epitome of the type of woman who playboy Rick Castle would have gone for without so much of a second thought four years ago. But he's not that man anymore. Or is he? Maybe she's just been fooling herself all this time; seeing what she wants to see.

_Fun & uncomplicated_

The adjectives plague her thoughts. Who would have known that two commonly used words could inflict so much pain? But they do because it isn't what he said but how he said it. As if he was rejecting her for not meeting that standard. As if he had finally realized that she wasn't good enough, wasn't worth the wait. Because let's be honest, she is the complete opposite of fun and uncomplicated. By the book and complicated beyond measure are more accurate descriptions of her.

She forces all thoughts of him out of her mind in an attempt to focus on the man before her. Colin Hunt. Detective Inspector Colin Hunt of Scotland Yard. A normal man who didn't flaunt big breasted blondes in her face, who wasn't the cause of her tearful, sleepless night, who she hadn't opened up her heart to, only to have it crushed. This wonderful man who under other circumstances she would have considered a prime candidate for herself but this wasn't another circumstance and she doesn't want a normal man. She wants her goofy, annoying, self-centered, egotistical, metro sexual man-child. But he was never hers to begin with, and may never be.

She tries to focus on the man before her, to give him a fair chance, but he uses 'who' instead of 'whom' and the 'Alanis Morissette version of ironic' and just like that, _he_ invades her thoughts again. She tries to take part in the conversation but the man before her doesn't make smut out of her jokes, doesn't waggle his eyebrows suggestively or invade her personal space. The man before her doesn't stand a chance. He never did.

She feels the sudden urge to leave and rises swiftly, obviously startling him but she doesn't care. She mumbles some lame excuse and turns to leave, isn't even sure if he hears but she honestly doesn't care. He stops her with a hand on her shoulder, says something about enjoying her company and leans in for a kiss. She turns her head, diverting it to her cheek because she can't even stomach the thought of kissing anyone but the man on her mind. She smiles apologetically and leaves for her apartment where hopefully she can clear her mind of him and whatever extracurricular activities he and the blonde bimbo are likely engaging in and actually get some sleep tonight.

**Yea I know, it's pretty short but I do intend on continuing. This whole turning fangirl storyline fantasies into actual written work is fairly new to me. Please bear with me…and tell me what you think of this so far in a review!**

**If you have a Castle Tumblr blog, follow me and I'll follow back. My url is unabashedshipper**


	2. Chapter 2

It's midday and he's just casually strolling into the precinct, sans coffee. He barely acknowledges her; just makes some offhand comment in her general direction and proceeds to greet the boys. That sends her over the edge and she marches over to him.

"We need to talk" she says not caring that she's obviously interrupting the delivery of some Castle-esque tale.

"Becke-"

"Break room. Now!" she growls marching off and leaving him to follow.

"Out with it" she says as soon as they are both behind the closed break room door.

"With what?" he asks innocently. Too innocently.

"Don't patronize me, Rick. You've obviously been _dying_ to tell me something. I'm sick and tired of the muttering and side comments. If you have something to say, say it!" She hears the fury and frustration in her voice. Is sure he does too based on the look on his face.

"That's the thing Kate" he says, voice a deadly calm, "I already said what I have to say, you just pretended not to remember it"

She stares at him for a few seconds, genuinely confused and then it hits her. He knows. It seems as if time had stood still. All she can hear is the rapid beating of her heart and her labored breaths. He's looking at her expectantly, obviously waiting for her to say something, anything but she is speechless because _he knows_. She isn't sure how long she stares at him, mouth slightly opened and eyes wide, but figures it's been a while when his shoulders slump in defeat and he turns to leave.

"Castle, wait" she says, stopping him with a trembling hand on his arm. He turns to her with that look in his eyes. The one that has been lingering there for some time. The one that she hadn't been able to put her finger on until now. Hurt. He had masked it so well before that she hadn't been able to recognize it. Or maybe she had just been too self-absorbed to see past the flimsy facade. But now he is standing before her, emotions raw and visible and she is clueless of what to do or say.

"I'm sorry" she whispers lamely, knowing that the words are completely insufficient given the circumstances. He lets put a humorless laugh and shakes his head, the hurt in his eyes morphing into anger.

"Yea, so am I" he says bitterly and resumes walking towards the elevator. She knows she should follow him and beg for forgiveness. But she needs to gather her thoughts, as does he. For now she'll give him something he has always given her so easily - time. Time to be angry, time to calm down and then she'll lay her heart on the line as he has done repeatedly and pray that she isn't too late.

* * *

The boys are watching her again and she doesn't blame them. She's been taking turns staring at Castle's chair and her phone since she got back from the restroom with red, puffy eyes and smudged eye makeup 10 minutes ago. She hears the scraping of chair against floor and sees them getting up to walk towards her. A reluctant Ryan walks sheepishly in the back, earning a "man up, bro" from Esposito. She lifts her head and braces herself for an intervention. Surprisingly, it is Ryan who speaks first.

"Where's Castle?" he asks going for a nonchalant tone and failing miserably.

"I don't know" she responds trying to sound as normal as possible.

"Castle's our bro and all and I know we didn't technically give him the 'big brother talk' because we were waiting until you two were official, but if he hurt you we can totally take care of him for you"

"Yea" Ryan pipes in, "do some damage to Moby Di-"

"Bro" Esposito cuts in, shaking his head at a rapidly reddening Ryan. Under normal circumstances this would have been hilarious. Her two boys rearing up to defend her honor, but today it's just saddening.

"Thanks for the offer, but this is actually my fault. I really hurt him and I don't know if he's ever going to forgive me" She knows this is a possibility. That her lie was too great for him to forgive. That he has already given up and moved on. There is, after all, only a thin line between love and hate.

"Pshh, Castle? Beckett, the guy is crazy about you"

"Yea Beckett, he'll come around"

She appreciates their reassurances but knows that we won't simply 'come around' this time. Either she makes a big gesture, complete with a real apology and a damn good explanation for her actions or she's going to lose him forever.

"He's never been this angry at me. I should go talk to him but I can't leave the precinct before we close this case"

"Go. We'll cover for you with Gates. This case is practically open and shut anyways"

"Yea, pretty sure the husband will confess after he sweats a little in the box"

"Ok" she breathes as she rushes to collect her belongings and head to the elevator before she changes her mind.

"I can do this" she chants to herself in the descending elevator. "I can do this"

* * *

**Sorry for the long wait guys! **

**The big convo is coming up next chapter! I'll try to upload it sooner than I did this.**

**Thoughts on this chapter?**


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